One Day...

I will:

• Own my own bookstore and/or publishing company.
• Have a sleeve tattoo.
• Be a published author.
• Purchase an original piece of artwork.
• Have a Boston Terrier, named Boston, aka Bossy.
• Backpack across Europe with AB.
• Have another child.
• Conquer Latin.
• Have season tickets to the ballet, symphony & opera.
• Travel to Paris by myself and intentionally get lost.
• Get an MFA just because.
• Be debt-free.
• Have a Moleskin documenting every year of my life from year 27 onward.
• Be a homeowner.
• Live in Montreal.
• Fall in love again.

One Moment at a Time.

I start my last year of law school next Monday. Excitement. While the newness of law school wore off a long time ago, the excitement on being closer to the end than the beginning is a very good feeling. I gifted myself with a beautiful new red Moleskin planner and diligently filled in my schedule. Then promptly felt overwhelmed at the vast amount of things that need to be accomplished in a seemingly short amount of time.

There is the expression "one day at a time," but I find that "one moment at a time" is more manageable because sometimes even a day can seem daunting as we look at all the things on our to-do list.

So when I am needing to be productive, I need to dice up my time into manageable chunks. I focus on things in 15 minutes, 30 minutes or 60 minutes intervals because the worst feeling is to set out to undertake a task and find that an hour or two later you have made no headway on said task and really don't have anything to show for the last few moments of your time. For even if you have worked diligently on something and decided to chuck it at least you made some progress because you found out something that didn't work out and are now free to pursue other possibilities. 

I like the senes of accomplishment that comes from completing a task, no matter how small, whether it be washing the dishes or finishing the outline for my latest brief. I think it is important to give oneself kudos for all of the various things that we accomplish in a day. When you think about all of the various things that you get done in a day, it is kind of amazing. If we celebrate the little things, then we might just find that extra bit of energy (that positive "hey, I'm doing pretty good" energy) to accomplish the major things.

Try it, and if it doesn't work, then return to the harried, thus exhausting, way. No harm, no foul.

Permission.

Last week, I found myself journaling about how I still felt like I needed permission. Permission to do what? To live my life and do the things that I want to do.

I undertake things timidly afraid that someone is going to say, "Um, who said you could do that?" or "That's wrong." or "There is no future in that." or "There are a millions other things that you should be doing right now."  (Inner critic rearing its ugly head again.) I have this need to have someone validate whatever it is that I'm doing. I need someone to nod their head and say, "Yep, everything looks good. Carry on."

I am 27 years old with a kid of my own and I still feel like a kid...and not in the good childlike-wonder way.

So imagine my surprise when yesterday a delightful update from Danielle LaPorte's whitehot truth pops up in my inbox with the subject: your permission slip from the universe.

There were two that spoke to me the most:

• You have permission to pursue your own agenda.
• You have permission to start now, without the degree, without the funding, without knowing exactly where you're going.

This prompted me to come up with some for myself. I have permission to:

• change my mind.
• be unapologetic about my lifestyle.
• let my kid watch more than 30 minutes of television.
• only cook once a week.
• drop the facade that I have it together.
• move closer to my parents because it is not a sign of failure to realize the necessity of a support network, it is a sign of growth.

A permission slip. That little piece of paper that meant that it was okay for you to go on an adventure. To quote the wisdom of that skinny jean clad genius KiD CuDi:

 I ain't gotta wait for no one. 

If I wanna fly, I could fly for freedom. 

I'll be up, up, and away

 'cause in the end, they'll judge me anyway. 

So, whatever.

The Reason.

Why resurrect this blog?

The impetus was meeting Hilary Thayer Hamann, the author of one of my favorite books in the entire world (and inspiration for the name of this blog) Anthropology of an American Girl. The book was rereleased this summer and I was honored to write a review that is featured on her website. (I wrote the second review signed T.H.).


She is truly an amazing woman and graciously spent a couple of hours with brown-eyed babe and myself. It was positively surreal and hands-down the highlight of my summer. A few weeks later I recieved a beautifully handwritten  note from her which is now one of my prized possessions. I love that lady.

This amazing experience occurred toward the beginning of June. It was quite unexpected and resulted from my blogging. This lead me to contemplate why I had let my blogging fall by the wayside and why I was feeling so unmotivated and stagnant. I was anxious that my other blog had no direction and that I had nothing of value to contribute which prolonged the hiatus. What better way to avoid feelings than to ignore whatever it is you think is causing that feeling. I avoided the blog, I avoided writing, I avoided creating and instead threw myself into reading and hid in my books. But as they always do, the books I found myself drawn to started to light a path and my summer of discovery began to take shape.

I read (and continue to read) various books and blogs on creativity/art/journaling.  I created a tumblr to serve as a outlet for the images and words that I found myself drawn to.  I began writing every single day. Then I was gifted with a glorious week alone as brown-eyed babe went to get Disneyfied with my parents. I started art journaling. I started breaking the rules of what I had believed journaling to be. I started focusing on the process, not the product,and certainly not perfection. I allowed myself to let go and dream about what my life can be and what I want it to be rather than what I percieve everyone else thinks it should be.

My feelings of joy resulting from the creative process snowballed and I decided that I needed to make a change to allow myself more freedom. I had placed unnecessary restraints on myself and my writing/blogging over the past two years. I (oddly enough) needed to give myself permission to break free of the practical and dive into the whimsical.

Who said that I wasn't an artist? Who said that I wasn't a writer? Who said that I wasn't creative? Who said that I have to constantly fight to compensate for single motherhood by attempting to blend in with the traditional and conventional? Who said that I did not have an entrepreneurial spirit? Who said that I have to have a legal career like everyone else?

My inner critic, that's who.

My return to this blog is me telling my inner critic to shut the fuck up.

The Return.

In my absence I was musing over here.

But, the course of my creative journey has led me back to Anthropology of an Urban Mama.
So, here I am in with a fresh look and clearer mindset, ready to present all my glory and imperfections as I dare to dream a little bigger.

Decision Made.

Brown eyed babe and I are headed for...



CHICAGO!

Oh The Excitement!

The acceptances (and one rejection..bleh) are rolling in.

Yay! So thankfully, I have my pick of law schools to attend. But the problem is that I have my pick of law schools to attend. I am probably placing a great deal more pressure on myself by thinking, "Wherever I go I have to stay and it has to be a home for brown-eyed babe and myself...permanently." While I understand that it doesn't have to be permanently, I definitely want for her to have a place that she can call "home". She deserves that much at least.

Needless to say the Big Looming Decision has me very excited.

Very very excited.