Fighting the Brattiness.

There have been two words that have recurred in my journal entries of late.

Restless. Exhausted.

I have been back in school for a little over a month now and all of my good intentions and plans have completely dissipated. They never really even really took flight.  The lax of summer stuck around for the business of fall and the result is not pretty. The result is I find AB, through no fault of her own, slipping into some brat-like tendencies.

I take full responsibility for this behavior.  I give into the whines and screams. I live in fear of the screams. Why? Because, my inner critic and a good part of the childless society say that screams mean that you're a bad parent who can't control your kid. I know it is not true, but in the heat of the moment, I just want it to be over and done with and move on to something else.

That's the problem.

I recognize the behavior I abhor in her in my own everyday actions. Except, I just skip the tantrum/whiny part and buy what I want. I am constantly justifying this or that indulgence. When I look back at this behavior over the past few weeks, I realize that  I am definitely enabling my own brattiness (and by extension AB's brattiness). Ultimately, it is preventing me from getting the quality things that I truly desire. (i.e. If I planned instead of falling into the "convenience" purchases, I would have those coveted Bass Weejuns on my feet right now. )

So what to do?

The first step to breaking this horrible routine is to walk a new way, both literally and figuratively.

Literally:  Out of sight out of mind. Therefore, we will not be walking past that store that screams out "I'm convenient and I have tasty treats!". Why even risk the temptation? Will it add on a little bit of time to our commute home? Yes. But taking a walk with my kid and talking about her day is not going to kill me. Part of her behavior is is for pure attention. I mean, she is battling with Law School.

Figuratively: Why am I continuing to fall into the pattern, what is it that I am searching for? The ease. The convenience. But it is fleeting. And it doesn't  make anything easier.  The "gimmes" on both of our parts stem from my desire to get to my destination quickly, be it school, work, home, or bedtime. I want it over and done with, under the guise that if it is done quickly, then I am saving time. Well, not really, because in reality,  that time I supposedly saved is then spent dealing with a tantrum. Out of this insane desire for convenience, I make things so much more difficult and as a result, we have lost our positive structure. Instead, we have a negative structure that is based on rushing and exhaustion (which leads to lazy habits).

Alas, we are a work in progress.

The Murakami Challenge.

I feel compelled to read all of Haruki Murakami's fiction. I fell for him this summer and I do believe I have made a nice dent in the list (in no particular order).

1. Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World
2. A Wild Sheep Chase
3. The Elephant Vanishes
4. Dance Dance Dance
5. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle
6. South of the Border, West of the Sun
7. Kafka on the Shore
8. Norwegian Wood
9. Sputnik Sweetheart
10. After Dark
11. Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman
12. After the Quake

This is quickly becoming an obsession. Sometimes Murakami Land is just so much more interesting than reality.

Goal: Finish the list by Christmas.
Prize: A brand spanking new copy of the one I love the most.

Nerdtastic.