10.26.2011

Raising a Reader.


As self-professed bibliophile,  one of the first thoughts I had regarding how I would raise Annabelle was that I wanted her to be a Reader.  We still have her very first book, Princess. What exactly is a Reader?  A Reader is quite different from a reader.  A Reader is someone who loves books & articles,  the printed word.  Someone who reads for the sake of reading.  Someone who would rather read than look at a screen.  Someone who is never bored because they always have reading material in hand.  Someone who cannot leave the house without at least one book…just in case. I am a Reader, and I wanted AB to be a Reader as well.  

In those blissful first months, I would strap her into her Baby Bjorn and we would prowl the bookstores.  She was happy and content and so was I.  Her first room also served as my library, so she was surrounded by books from the very beginning. 

She has been a library regular since she was four months old.  She graduated from the Bjorn to the stroller to toddling around by herself.  Libraries were exciting places for her.  Once I was in law school and there were more demands on my time, I had the babysitter take her to the library instead of staying in our apartment. And I read to her whenever I could, on the train, on the bus, waiting for said transit, at bedtime, after dinner, while waiting for dinner to finish cooking. In addition, I was reading all the time, as well. Books, books, books, all the time.

I read tons of parenting books and articles about how to teach your child to read. The majority of them said to follow your children’s lead. When they are ready to learn how to read,  they will let you know. So, I continued what I was doing. Toward the beginning of this year, she expressed interest in learning how to read, beyond the recognition of street signs and store names. Needless to say, I was overjoyed with this seemingly sudden turn of events.

Her interest has snowballed.  There is no stopping her now. Everyday, multiple times a day, she asks, “Can you read with me?” She can read many of the books she chooses herself, but she wants me to watch her reading and be her backup for tricky words.

Multiple times a week she asks, “Can we go to the library?” She got her own library card in celebration of starting kindergarten.  She has picked up my habit of choosing based on covers. She comes to me with dozens of books stacked up to her chin ready to check out with her very own card. I no longer count the amount of books in her stack.  This is one extravagance I cannot deny her, for you can never have too many books.

I am not ashamed to admit that I use books as leverage. If she is acting up, I threaten that there will be no bedtime reading and she quickly straightens up. Once she egregiously misbehaved at the library and lost her library privileges for a week. She was devastated. Given the threats of cutting library funding all over the country,  I want her to understand that the ability to go to a library and check out books for free is a privilege,  not a right.  She has a responsibility to care for the books when they are in her possession. So far,  so good.  

There was a moment earlier this month where she was asking me repeatedly to read to her, choosing books over computer games, movies, television and even playing outside.  I thought, “My plan is working! AB's a Reader!”  and I was able to push through my selfish annoyance at not being able to read my own book, crawl into her reading nook, fold myself into criss-cross applesauce and read Chrysanthemum with her (again).

Here are my tips for raising a Reader:

1.      Surround them with books: Studies have shown that having books in the home is a key part of your child’s success in school.  Make books (and magazines, and newspapers)  easily accessible to them. Books,  especially quality picture books,  are quite expensive,  so take advantage of your local library where there are a wealth of materials available to you for free.

2.      Be a model reader: Little ones model their parents’ behavior.  “Do as I say, not as I do,”  is just not going to cut it when it comes to reading.  If your kiddo never sees you picking up a book for pleasure, then they are never going to want to do it either.

3.      Start early: From the very beginning read to your child.  Some even recommend reading to them in utero.  Make books and reading a part of daily life. Raising a Reader is really about making your lifestyle conducive to reading.  The early you start making the conscious decisions regarding literacy, the easier it will be to integrate them into your parenting style.

4.      Take advantage of teaching moments: Early on, I used my daughter’s name as my computer login password to help her learn how to spell her name.  She was stoked that she got to use Mommy’s computer, and she worked on letter recognition. Words are everywhere, so take advantage. Signs are a great starting point and it also helps your child become acquainted with their neighborhood and immediate surroundings.

5.      Follow their lead:  Don’t force learning to read on them.  If you are reading to them and making books available,  the time will come when they will want to repeat the words after you or ask you what a word means or how to say it.  Let them pick out their own books.  They are more likely to be engaged with something in line with their interests. 

6.      Make it fun: When I say that we are going to the library, my daughter literally shouts, “Yay!”  Going to the library or bookstore is a way to spending quality time with your kids as well as show them that you value books and reading.  When reading with them, get into the characters and act out the story.  Get them laughing.  Get them engaged.  It really only takes one fun time to make them want to do it again and again and again, attempting to recreate the magic of a great story. 



Happy Reading!


 

10.21.2011

AB Pic of the Week.


The Kindergarten Pick-Up Artist.

While AB and I were at the library yesterday, I was approached by a cherubic little girl. She asked me if I would read a book to her. I suggested that she ask her dad, thinking that should be asking him to read to her. But instead, she was asking his permission for me to read to her. I was taken aback for a very brief moment, but then I thought, This kid wants to read so let's to read. AB was up for it, so we found a tiny table and started to read.

It soon became apparent that AB was a more advanced reader than our new friend. So I found myself trying to juggle an increasingly uninterested (and slightly jealous) 5 year old and a superinterested (and slightly hyper) 5 year old. After a few rounds of reading the first two pages from various books, interspersed with discussion of tomboys, princesses, and school fundraisers (oddly enough), the girls and I took the fun outside. We got permission from her dad (again) and went to the playground next to the library.

It was there that we proceeded to swing, run, climb, slide, spin, tag, hide, and seek until our new friend had to leave for a less (hello there, Mr. Extracurricular). However, her father and I made plans for the girls to meet again this afternoon.

There were two things that impressed me about this experience. First, the ease with which little kids become friends. The girls had never laid eyes on one another before. They didn't know each other's names (and still don't). But they quickly bonded over a love reading and playing. It was just so easy. Second, the confidence with which our new friend approached me with her reading proposal. I think part of it was her personality, which could definitely be described as gregarious. Yet, I also believe that it stemmed from experience. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that AB and I were not the first kid-parent duo she had picked up at the library. And I found that to be kind of awesome.

This unexpected playdate was truly unexpected joy, which is hands down the best kind. 

10.12.2011

Absent Presence: Reflections on Solo Parenting

Single mamahood is not all rainbows and butterflies. It is not everyday euphoria about being able to parent your offspring as you want with no interference.

Single mamahood is messy, frustrating and lonely.

Granted, this could be said about any parenting. But the journey of a single parent in the absence of involvement from the other parent is something quite different. Single mamahood is rough. No question. It is not something that you can do halfway. Single mamas don't have the luxury to be lazy. We get all the highs but we also get all the lows.

I've been on this single mama road for the past six years. It has not gotten any easier. In some ways, it has gotten harder because AB is now aware. She has memories of her (inconsistent) father. She realizes that her family is different than the other kids. She knows. She knows more than I would like based on her own (not so great) experiences with her father. Yet at the same time, I am grateful that I don't have to explain or skirt around the issue of why her father is not in her life. However, I am not proud of the fact that when she wants to talk about him with me (and only me) she whispers in secret her thoughts about how she loves him but does not like him.

As she grow older, more of her features and mannerisms are similar to his. The look on her face when she is dancing or finds something truly hilarious. I look at her and see him. This brings up new feelings for me. Just when I thought that I had successfully mastered the emotions of parenting alone, when I see him in her, his failures as a parent feel like my own. I wonder if my feelings of shame, embarrassment and failure will ever go away. I wonder if I will ever stop trying to (over)compensate for his absence.

It is rather amazing how someone who is absent can have such a presence in our lives. It is because I give his absence power. The power is fueled by hurt. That is what these feelings are really all about. My anger stems from the fact that he hurt me by not living up to my expectations.

I need to let that go. It is time to let that go.

Because despite his failings, AB is her own person. Those smiles and shuffling feet are hers, not his.

She is not him.

She is not me.

She is the best of both of us.

I need to remember that. It is time to remember that.

10.03.2011

Autumn Picture Book List



What comes to mind when we think of autumn? Why leaves, apples, pumpkins and ghosts, of course! Here are seven selections that AB and I have picked up recently from the library in celebration of autumn.

1.  Let It Fall by Maryann Cocca-Leffler
A pleasant jaunt with a family through the fall season from raking leaves to apple picking to harvest festivals, its all there.  For such a simple story it backs a lot in and is a great jumping off point for discussing autumn with the kiddo, not to mention suggestions for fun fall activities.


2.  Amelia Bedelia’s First Apple Pie written by Herman Parish, illustrated by Lynne Avril
Who doesn’t love Amelia Bedelia?  Well, me.  I never really got into the whole maid/nanny genre when I was younger.  So the Amelia Bedelia phenomenon was lost on me, until this reboot featuring a young Amelia Bedelia by the nephew of the series creator. Little Miss Bedelia saves the day when the apple pie she bakes with her grandmother is eaten by birds.  It also includes educational bites about farmer’s markets and the various kinds of kinds of apples.  Bonus:  An apple pie recipe!

3.  Ducking for Apples written by Lynne Berry, illustrated by Hiroe Nakata
A charming rhyming tale about five ducks going on a bike ride stumble upon an apple tree perfect for picking. Highlights counting and some fun vocabulary as well.


4.  The Biggest Apple Ever written by Steven Kroll, illustrated by Jeni Bassett
Competition turns into cooperation as two mice come up with a clever way to win a contest to bring to class the biggest apple.


5.  The Perfect Pumpkin Pie written by Denys Cazet
I do believe that this one is AB’s favorite. This is a ghost story about mean Mr.  Wilkerson who dies while eating pie.  He is doomed to haunt his house until he tastes the perfect pie.  The illustrations are fittingly ghastly. The poems of the ghosts are just begging to be read in your spookiest voice. The repetition gets the kiddos ready involved as they anticipate what is coming next.  


6. Ghosts in the House by Kazuno Kahara
This fun story about how a creative little witch repurposes the ghosts who are haunting her new house.  This is a ghost story for the little one who wants to get in on the Halloween fun but is not too keen on the scary part.  

7. The Very Best Pumpkin written by Mark Kimball Moulton, illustrated by Karen Hillard Good
This is a lovely tale about a boy who lives on a farm with his grandparents. He tends lovingly to a smaller pumpkin which grows to be quite a large pumpkin. The new girl has been watching him care for this pumpkin and he decides that it is the perfect pumpkin for her. The best illustration is one with the little girl reading The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett.  I would love to be able to frame it and hang it on the wall above AB’s reading nook.

Happy Reading!