...And then there were two.

Newsflash: blue-eyed babe was no good for me, or brown-eyed babe for that matter.

I have moved back to the Bay Area. Rather haphazardly. I am kicking myself for letting things get so out of control. I have fallen into that pattern out here as well, as I now have to accept that I am in financial ruin. While I must admit that it was exhilirating to quit a job that I was beginning to abhor, it did bring in a steady income that I was able to support my family on. Now I work part-time and while I make more per hour, there are less hours. My money goes to childcare, diapers, baby food, and transportation. However, there are a gigantic stack of bills that have been accumulating since I made this move and have yet been addressed. Not to mention, I have a SUV marooned at an autobody shop back East that I have been trying to have transported nearly all summer, and now the transportation company is giving me the runaround and the car is on the verge of repossession. Therefore I have come to the conclusion that I suck at life.

I am a coward and try to run away from things, while sticking around for things that I really shouldn't. I am a very worn-out doormat. It does me no good to think, "Well if I hadn't paid for his [fill in any number of countless expenses that were not my responsibility whatsoever] then I wouldn't be in this situation?" Because it doesn't make my money reappear. It does me no good to think that I did things for him believing that he would do for me in the same situation. Because I was wrong.

I am suprised that brown-eyed babe still likes me. Sometimes I just feel so incredibly incompetent. I suck at life, so how could I possibly be good at motherhood. But she seems to still like me regardless of my shortcomings.

So at this point I have become a hybrid of my former selves. I am a working professional-single mother.

Flying by the seat of my pants.