A few summers ago, a friend admired a pair of cuffed denim bermuda shorts that AB was wearing and asked if I had made them. I was flattered, but decided to be honest and scoffed, "I wish I were that crafty! No, actually I got them at Target."
In that moment a little seed was planted. No, it was not that far-fetched that I would be able to change an old pair of AB's jeans into shorts. It was not that crazy to think that I could make something with my own two hands that AB could wear and others could would admire. It was not that off-the-wall that my creativity need not be limited to words upon a page.
However, I was scared. Scared that any truly artsy-craftsy endeavors would look ridiculous. So I did what any rational parent would do. I used my child as a crutch.
Coloring. Drawing. Painting. These are just things that kids do. It is something that they do every single day...with no fear. So, I started having Creative Dates with AB where I would truly focus on being in that creative moment with her, whether we were playing with Play-Doh or painting with water colors. I wouldn't worry about school or work or any of the multiple things waiting on my to-do list. I would just create with my kid.
Over time this evolved into art journaling and collaging by myself. I began reading all of the
Stampington & Company publications and
Cloth, Paper, Scissors, while avidly following artist blogs. Art supply stores became heaven to me. I was in a really good creative place as my confidence grew, but I still had that desire to be able to wear my art. I still really wanted for someone to compliment something that AB was wearing and be able to smile and say, "Yes, I made that." I loved seeing those women knitting on the train. I loved scrolling through Etsy and looking at all those beautiful handmade items.
Then one day, enough was enough. I bought a skein of yarn, a pair of needles and a crochet hook, watched a You Tube video and started making things. Since then I have crocheted hats and knit scarves and bags. I have an insanely long list of projects I'd like to make and books filled with post-it notes marking stitches I'd like try.
Knitting has become like reading for me. It is something that is done every day, without fail. It is an activity that I can lose myself in. An hour seems like 5 minutes. AB will ask me to help her with something and I find myself saying, "Just one more row," as I often say, "Just one more page."
In reality, there was nothing to be afraid of. Why are we afraid to be creative? Because someone else might think that it's ugly. Because someone else might actually say that it's ugly. Because someone else might not even notice. Because someone else might sneer at you for pursuing a passion. Because someone else might laugh at you for trying something new.
But here's the thing: Just because they might, doesn't mean they will. And even if they do it doesn't matter.
It. Does. Not. Matter.
What matters is that you like it. What matters is that you felt good while you were creating. What matters is that for every person that doesn't like your creative product there are 5 more people out there who do. What matters is that you are living the life that you want to live, with no regrets.
Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain
