Awesome Girl.

As the year winds down, AB has undertake a new challenge: learning to ride a bike.

She has been the queen of optimism, while I try to maintain good cheer as I realize that running alongside your newbie cyclist is the mother of all core workouts. After one particularly good run, she grinned at me and said:

"I'm Annabelle the Awesome Girl and I'm never going to give up."

I promptly gave her a high-five and a kiss, then sent her on her merry way again.

Here's to having an "Awesome Girl" attitude in 2013.

Empowering Video: Cheryl Strayed

On Wednesdays I share a video that facilitates empowerment; because when you know better, you do better.

Fear, to a great extent, is born of a story we tell ourselves, and so I chose to tell myself a different story...

In the Week 2 webisode for Wild, the first selection for Oprah's Book Club 2.0, author Cheryl Strayed reveals how she overcame the fear that set in while hiking the Pacific Crest Trail solo and rewrote her own narrative.

Empowering Video: Dr. Jane Aronson

On Wednesdays I share a video that facilitates empowerment; because when you know better, you do better.

Dr. Jane Aronson founded Worldwide Orphans Foundation to help orphaned children become healthy, independent and productive members of their communities. In this video from TakePart, she and actor Andrew Garfield talk about a recent trip to Ethiopia and how Andrew is helping further Dr. Aronson's mission.

Empowering Video: Neil Gaiman

On Wednesdays I share a video that facilitates empowerment; because when you know better, you do better.

The old rules are crumbling and nobody know what the new rules are. So, make up your own rules.

Neil Gaiman's (Fantastic, Amazing, Wonderful) Advice 

1. When you start out on a career in the arts you have no idea what you are doing.

 (And this is a good thing.) 

2. If you have an idea of what you want to make, what you were put here to do, then just go and do that.

3.  A freelance life, a life in the arts, is sometimes like putting messages in bottles, on a desert island, and hoping that someone will find one of your bottles and open it and read it, and put something in a bottle that will wash its way back to you: appreciation, or a commission, or money, or love. And you have to accept that you may put out a hundred things for every bottle that winds up coming back.

4. Make mistakes. If you're making mistakes, it means you're out there doing something. And the mistakes in themselves can be useful....Life is sometimes hard. Things go wrong, in life and in love and in business and in friendship and in health and in all the other ways that life can go wrong. And when things get tough, this is what you should do. Make good art. 

5. Make your art. Do the stuff that only you can do.

6. People keep working, in a freelance world, and more and more of today's world is freelance, because their work is good, and because they are easy to get along with, and because they deliver the work on time. And you don't even need all three. Two out of three is fine.  

7. Let go and enjoy the ride, because the ride takes you to to some remarkable and unexpected places.

*

Needless to say, this speech is an instant classic that will go up there with David Foster Wallace's "This Is Water" and Steve Jobs' "Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish". The speech is chock-full of inspiration, regardless of whether you have a career in the arts or not. Your "art" is your thing. The thing that you do better than anyone else. The thing that makes your heart sing and time stand still. So, we should all take this advice (or rather, reminder) to heart. 

Go forth and do great things. 

Empowering Video: For Mamas Who Rock Business

On Wednesdays I share a video that facilitates empowerment; because when you know better, you do better.

You defining success on your own terms is the best thing you can do for your kids.

I finished Danielle LaPorte's book, The Fire Starter Sessions, a few days ago. It is wonderful in both content and design. If you have any desire to lead a better and more fulfilling life, this is the book for you.  I felt like I was having "aha!" moments almost every other page. (Don't believe me? Check out her 30 Days to Fire Up Your Creative Genius series for the Huffington Post.)

So, for this week's video I wanted to share a bit of her magic specifically targeted at mothers. This is an older video from when The Fire Starter Sessions was an e-book & e-course, but it still rings true.

Empowering Video: Manifesting 101

On Wednesdays I share a video that facilitates empowerment; because when you know better, you do better.

Marie Forleo is awesome. She is incredibly inspiring. After I watch one of her videos I just want to go out and make things happen ASAP. In this episode from MarieTV, she discusses manifestation with Gabby Bernstein.

I am a big believer in (as cheesy as it sounds) manifesting your desires. (Hello, intentional living!)

MANIFESTING 101

1.Clarity

Get clear about your desire

2. Identify & Remove Obstacles

Recognize how you are blocking yourself and get rid of those limiting beliefs.

3. Be In The Know: 

Don't let outside junk taint what you know to be true. 

What you believe about yourself and your future will support you external experiences.

4. Patience: 

Those who are certain of the outcome can afford to wait and wait without anxiety.

To get a full taste of the awesomeness that is Marie Forleo, I encourage you to check out her free online training series.

Empowering Video: Thandie Newton

On Wednesdays I share a video that facilitates empowerment; because when you know better, you do better.

Actress Thandie Newton speaking about her journey of accepting her "otherness" at TEDGlobal 2011.

Why Are We Afraid To Be Creative?

{image via Holstee}

A few summers ago, a  friend admired a pair of cuffed denim bermuda shorts that AB was wearing and asked if I had made them. I was flattered, but decided to be honest and scoffed, "I wish I were that crafty! No, actually I got them at Target."

In that moment a little seed was planted. No, it was not that far-fetched that I would be able  to change an old pair of AB's jeans into shorts. It was not that crazy to think that I could make something with my own two hands that AB could wear and others could would admire. It was not that off-the-wall that my creativity need not be limited to words upon a page.

However, I was scared.  Scared that any truly artsy-craftsy endeavors would look ridiculous. So I did what any rational parent would do. I used my child as a crutch.

Coloring. Drawing. Painting. These are just things that kids do. It is something that they do every single day...with no fear. So, I started having Creative Dates with AB where I would truly focus on being in that creative moment with her, whether we were playing with Play-Doh or painting with water colors. I wouldn't worry about school or work or any of the multiple things waiting on my to-do list. I would just create with my kid.

Over time this evolved into art journaling and collaging by myself. I began reading all of the Stampington & Company publications and Cloth, Paper, Scissors, while avidly following artist blogs. Art supply stores became heaven to me. I was in a really good creative place as my confidence grew, but I still had that desire to be able to wear my art. I still really wanted for someone to compliment something that AB was wearing and be able to smile and say, "Yes, I made that." I loved seeing those women knitting on the train. I loved scrolling through Etsy and looking at all those beautiful handmade items.

Then one day, enough was enough. I bought a skein of yarn, a pair of needles and a crochet hook, watched a You Tube video and started making things. Since then I have crocheted hats and knit scarves and bags. I have an insanely long list of projects I'd like to make and books filled with post-it notes marking stitches I'd like try.

Knitting has become like reading for me. It is something that is done every day, without fail. It is an activity that I can lose myself in. An hour seems like 5 minutes. AB will ask me to help her with something and I find myself saying, "Just one more row," as I often say, "Just one more page."

In reality, there was nothing to be afraid of. Why are we afraid to be creative? Because someone else might think that it's ugly. Because someone else might actually say that it's ugly. Because someone else might not even notice. Because someone else might sneer at you for pursuing a passion. Because someone else might laugh at you for trying something new.

But here's the thing: Just because they might, doesn't mean they will. And even if they do it doesn't matter.

It. Does. Not. Matter.

What matters is that you like it. What matters is that you felt good while you were creating. What matters is that for every person that doesn't like your creative product there are 5 more people out there who do. What matters is that you are living the life that you want to live, with no regrets.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

Single Parents Day.

Apparently, today was Single Parents Day. A whole day to honor the hard work of single parents.

As a single parent, I find it to be unncessary as a way to bring awareness to the challenges and triumphs of parenting. Two reasons:

1. It's rather obvious that parenting is hard, and even harder without a partner.
2. Mother's Day and Father's Day cover both categories of single parents (or caregivers) quite well, I believe.

However, I think that it should be day to bring awareness to single parents about acknowledging the good things we do, instead of bemoaning the things that our kids don't have or the people who are not in their lives. Stop, take a moment and pat yourself on the back for the damn fine job you are doing as a parent.

A handful of personal kudos:

• I tell AB "I love you" & give her kisses and hugs upon her multiple times a day.
• Without prompting, AB tells me "I love you" gives me kisses and hugs multiple times a day.
• I get compliments on how she carries herself when I am not around.
• We read together every day.
• We laugh together every day.

As the day draws to a close, I am grateful to continue on this journey with such an awesome kid.

Empowering Video: 2012 Women in the World Summit.

On Wednesdays I share a video that facilitates empowerment; because when you know better, you do better.

Go forth and do awesome things.

AB Pic of the Week

Happy Solstice.

(image via tumblr)

Pause. Reflect. Release.

Glance at the sun.

See the moon and the starts.

Gaze at the beauty of the earth's greenings.

Now,

Think.

-Hildegard of Bingen

AB Pic of the Week.

Absent Presence: Reflections on Solo Parenting

Single mamahood is not all rainbows and butterflies. It is not everyday euphoria about being able to parent your offspring as you want with no interference.

Single mamahood is messy, frustrating and lonely.

Granted, this could be said about any parenting. But the journey of a single parent in the absence of involvement from the other parent is something quite different. Single mamahood is rough. No question. It is not something that you can do halfway. Single mamas don't have the luxury to be lazy. We get all the highs but we also get all the lows.

I've been on this single mama road for the past six years. It has not gotten any easier. In some ways, it has gotten harder because AB is now aware. She has memories of her (inconsistent) father. She realizes that her family is different than the other kids. She knows. She knows more than I would like based on her own (not so great) experiences with her father. Yet at the same time, I am grateful that I don't have to explain or skirt around the issue of why her father is not in her life. However, I am not proud of the fact that when she wants to talk about him with me (and only me) she whispers in secret her thoughts about how she loves him but does not like him.

As she grow older, more of her features and mannerisms are similar to his. The look on her face when she is dancing or finds something truly hilarious. I look at her and see him. This brings up new feelings for me. Just when I thought that I had successfully mastered the emotions of parenting alone, when I see him in her, his failures as a parent feel like my own. I wonder if my feelings of shame, embarrassment and failure will ever go away. I wonder if I will ever stop trying to (over)compensate for his absence.

It is rather amazing how someone who is absent can have such a presence in our lives. It is because I give his absence power. The power is fueled by hurt. That is what these feelings are really all about. My anger stems from the fact that he hurt me by not living up to my expectations.

I need to let that go. It is time to let that go.

Because despite his failings, AB is her own person. Those smiles and shuffling feet are hers, not his.

She is not him.

She is not me.

She is the best of both of us.

I need to remember that. It is time to remember that.

Bouquet of Sharpened Pencils: Reawakening My Inner Scholar

September is about new beginnings.  It is about fresh starts.  And, thankfully, September does not hold the weightiness of January.  There are no heavy expectations.  Instead, it is a refreshing moment where we can start over again from those January resolutions that may not have actually been implemented.  

Things have not exactly turned out the way that I envisioned back in January.  There were goals and resolutions but the action steps were not there to bring those dreams into fruition.  Rather than mourn this seeming failures, I treat them as opportunities to start again.  I review why I didn’t do what was necessary to make the goal happen. Why was I dragging my feet? Was that goal really what I was wanting for myself? Perhaps,  my priorities and desires were slowly shifting as different things came up in my life.

September is my month of reevaluation and reformation.  I loved school as a kid, and four weeks in,  I’m stoked that AB feels the same way.  Now that I am no longer in school myself, I find that I am needing to find a way to make the excitement about learning seem fresh and new even though I’m not in a classroom.

I have decided to educate myself.

I am creating my own curriculum.  I am creating my own fellowship.  I am researching and writing for myself.  When I was younger, I would throw myself into subjects, acquiring as much knowledge that I could about a given subject.  I had three inch binders crammed with notes, pictures and articles about my obsessions du jour.  Thanks to this little thing called the World Wide Web I had plethora of resources available to me. There are two specific subjects that I vividly recall soaking up like a sponge. The first was the Mafia. I was an 11 year old kid printing out pictures of bullet-ridden mobsters and crime family trees while I memorized all of the dialogue of the Scorcese classic Goodfellas.  Disturbing, yes. But, I felt utterly inspired by the drama and danger.  The second was Gone With the Wind by Margaret Mitchell (GWTW).  I was led to GWTW from the Outsiders by S.E.  Hinton.  If a boy as tough as Ponyboy was sensitive enough to read a book like GWTW, then I had to try it.  I tried it and loved it.  I read it in two days.  I was absolutely smitten.  My dad introduced me to the film and I was officially obsessed.  My binder was full of pictures of every single costume from every possible angle with notes about behind-the-scenes gossip.  I could name every actress and actor considered for Rhett and Scarlett.  And of course, I memorized every line in this film as well, accent and all.

Perhaps, these interests made me an odd child (and I still wonder where I found all that time to gather all of my research), but that is what made me Me.  As I got older, I started to lose that focus. There were various reasons, time and the coolness factor being the main ones.  But 15+ years later, now that it sometimes feels like I have an abundance of time and I no longer have the desire to impress my peers by downplaying “nerdy”  pursuits,  I think it’s time to get back a little of my 11-year-old self.

If I could go back in time, I would bring 11-year-old self a bouquet of sharpened pencils and some brand spanking new notebooks and say, “Have at it,  kid.”

If you have built castles in the air, your work need not be lost; that is where they should be. Now put the foundations under them. - Henry David Thoreau

Going With The Flow.

After I dropped AB off for her second day of kindergarten, I found myself faced with time. A solid chunk of uninterrupted time. This felt unfamiliar to me.

There were many things that I could do with this time. Read. Job-hunt. Exercise. Write. Clean. Plan.

Since I took the bar exam at the end of last month, I have felt adrift. I have lacked focus. This was not necessarily a bad thing at those moments. Actually, in the moments where I was spending quality time with family, I felt quite content. I began making slight changes in my lifestyle.

• Eating better. Eating less. Eating consciously. Wandering through farmer's markets and health food stores. Experimenting and exploring.
• Creating. Really diving into my art journaling and expressing myself creatively.
• Exercising and Meditating. Allowing myself to fully embrace yoga and enjoy being a novice yogini.
• Just taking one day at a time.

While the "one day at a time" approach has been lovely, reality (and fear) smacked me in the face this morning as I entered the house with no kid in tow. What the heck am I supposed to do now?

Be grateful. I am supposed to be grateful and grow. I am supposed to take this time and allow myself to move in a newer, happier direction. The best part has been that AB has been right next to me the whole time. She tries out new foods with me. She journals with me. She does yoga with me. She is on this journey with me.

Everyday, I am learning something new from parenting because no two days are ever the same. She throws me for a loop at least once a day. I am more observant about what and when she eats and how it affects her energy levels and moods. I haven't paid this close attention since she was a baby and I was recording her feedings. I have found that the more aware I am of how she reacts to different foods, the better able I am respond to her. Since I am able to (somewhat) anticipate, I feel like I am a calmer parent, more able (and willing) to enjoy the time we spend together.

Here is to living fully, creatively and mindfully.