How To Talk To Kids.

She's only six, but it's already starting.

"So, how was your day?"

"Good."

"What did you learn today?"

"I don't know."

"What did you do today?"

"Nothing."

Really? You just spent 4 hours with a 29 other kids and 4 adults (teacher, student teacher, and parent volunteers) and you have absolutely nothing to say about it. Really?!

I know that I am not the only parent who is experiencing this. There are tons of articles written about it. Various tips for how to get your kid to talk to you. I was fully aware that this day would come. But it wasn't supposed to arrive so soon.

AB went on a field trip today. She talked about The Field Trip for weeks beforehand. She counted down the days until this oh so important day, March 29, 2012, when she would be going on The Field Trip. I was expecting to pick her up and find a kid who couldn't way to tell me about all the fun, amazing, unbelievable things that had happened on The Field Trip.

Instead, it was like pulling teeth. I was lucky that she even told me the names of her bus seat buddies. Hours later, during dinner, she finally shared some highlights of The Field Trip.

This is not supposed to be so hard. She's in kindergarten for heavens sake. When I pick her up, she should be excited, right? Bursting at the seams, ready to share all the awesome stuff that happens in the magical world of kindergarten. I shouldn't need use an arsenal of tactics that are meant for parents of tweens and teens.

I know that this is not a result of her school or her teacher, both of which are amazing. My frustration will most likely be alleviated by finding a different way to engage with her.

But I can't help but think, "This would so not be an issue if I were homeschooling."

Empowering Video: Thandie Newton

On Wednesdays I share a video that facilitates empowerment; because when you know better, you do better.

Actress Thandie Newton speaking about her journey of accepting her "otherness" at TEDGlobal 2011.

Why Are We Afraid To Be Creative?

{image via Holstee}

A few summers ago, a  friend admired a pair of cuffed denim bermuda shorts that AB was wearing and asked if I had made them. I was flattered, but decided to be honest and scoffed, "I wish I were that crafty! No, actually I got them at Target."

In that moment a little seed was planted. No, it was not that far-fetched that I would be able  to change an old pair of AB's jeans into shorts. It was not that crazy to think that I could make something with my own two hands that AB could wear and others could would admire. It was not that off-the-wall that my creativity need not be limited to words upon a page.

However, I was scared.  Scared that any truly artsy-craftsy endeavors would look ridiculous. So I did what any rational parent would do. I used my child as a crutch.

Coloring. Drawing. Painting. These are just things that kids do. It is something that they do every single day...with no fear. So, I started having Creative Dates with AB where I would truly focus on being in that creative moment with her, whether we were playing with Play-Doh or painting with water colors. I wouldn't worry about school or work or any of the multiple things waiting on my to-do list. I would just create with my kid.

Over time this evolved into art journaling and collaging by myself. I began reading all of the Stampington & Company publications and Cloth, Paper, Scissors, while avidly following artist blogs. Art supply stores became heaven to me. I was in a really good creative place as my confidence grew, but I still had that desire to be able to wear my art. I still really wanted for someone to compliment something that AB was wearing and be able to smile and say, "Yes, I made that." I loved seeing those women knitting on the train. I loved scrolling through Etsy and looking at all those beautiful handmade items.

Then one day, enough was enough. I bought a skein of yarn, a pair of needles and a crochet hook, watched a You Tube video and started making things. Since then I have crocheted hats and knit scarves and bags. I have an insanely long list of projects I'd like to make and books filled with post-it notes marking stitches I'd like try.

Knitting has become like reading for me. It is something that is done every day, without fail. It is an activity that I can lose myself in. An hour seems like 5 minutes. AB will ask me to help her with something and I find myself saying, "Just one more row," as I often say, "Just one more page."

In reality, there was nothing to be afraid of. Why are we afraid to be creative? Because someone else might think that it's ugly. Because someone else might actually say that it's ugly. Because someone else might not even notice. Because someone else might sneer at you for pursuing a passion. Because someone else might laugh at you for trying something new.

But here's the thing: Just because they might, doesn't mean they will. And even if they do it doesn't matter.

It. Does. Not. Matter.

What matters is that you like it. What matters is that you felt good while you were creating. What matters is that for every person that doesn't like your creative product there are 5 more people out there who do. What matters is that you are living the life that you want to live, with no regrets.


Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. - Mark Twain

AB Pic of the Week.

This face.

This pout.

This arched eyebrow.

This particular expression. 

This exact face.

It is impossible to resist.

Book Review: Oddfellow's Orphanage

Oddfellow's Orphanage by Emily Winfield Martin

I am a fan of The Black Apple, so I was quite excited when I saw that Emily Martin had written a children's book. When I read, "With artwork gracing every spread, this book is truly a delight to read - or to read aloud," I couldn't wait to read it aloud to AB at bedtime. But after a couple of nights, I found myself disappointed. It seemed to lack a clear story line. There was no villain. I thought that the newest child to the orphanage, Delia, would be the main character, but it began to appear that there was no main character at all. While AB was quite happy with the book (granted, I could read the papers of Jarndyce v. Jarndyce aloud to her at bedtime and she would be content), I began to get frustrated as a reader, so I abandoned it.

A few days ago, I decided to give it another chance, but on my own. After reading that the book came about from a series of portraits the author created, I looked at the novel through fresh eyes. I realized that it is more a collection of character vignettes. Oddfellow's Orphanage is a peek into a fantasy world where unusual orphans are loved and accepted. Delia is the main character because we get to see her transformation from outsider to belonging to a family. However, she is not the main focus. She is simply a conduit through which we get to meet all the delightfully strange, yet normal, new members of her family.

It goes without saying that the illustrations are wonderful. The portraits, and their accompanying stories, are the highlight of the book. In addition, there are some really stellar sentences that just make your heart happy. Sentences that are full of imagery, but still simple enough for young readers to understand. Miss Martin has created a beautiful imaginary world where all are welcome.

Reading Oddfellow's Orphanage served as a reminder that for a book to be interesting, it doesn't always need to involve fighting evil or battling against the end of the world. Sometimes, all it takes is the simplicity of friendships and family.

Single Parents Day.

Apparently, today was Single Parents Day. A whole day to honor the hard work of single parents.

As a single parent, I find it to be unncessary as a way to bring awareness to the challenges and triumphs of parenting. Two reasons:

1. It's rather obvious that parenting is hard, and even harder without a partner.
2. Mother's Day and Father's Day cover both categories of single parents (or caregivers) quite well, I believe.

However, I think that it should be day to bring awareness to single parents about acknowledging the good things we do, instead of bemoaning the things that our kids don't have or the people who are not in their lives. Stop, take a moment and pat yourself on the back for the damn fine job you are doing as a parent.

A handful of personal kudos:

• I tell AB "I love you" & give her kisses and hugs upon her multiple times a day.
• Without prompting, AB tells me "I love you" gives me kisses and hugs multiple times a day.
• I get compliments on how she carries herself when I am not around.
• We read together every day.
• We laugh together every day.

As the day draws to a close, I am grateful to continue on this journey with such an awesome kid.

Book Review: The Unruly Queen

AB picked up this gem at the library. She came over to me and said, "Mom, I know you're really going to like this one." She held up The Unruly Queen by E. S. Redmond. The cover alone had me. She's like a punky blend of Eloise and Fancy Nancy. AB and I love quality illustrations, but we have a special place in our hearts for quirkier illustrations of the Tim Burton variety. (Who knew that a preschooler would become so smitten with The Corpse Bride?)

Minerva is an only child of wealthy globetrotting parents. She is a spoiled brat who goes through a nanny a week. However, the 53rd nanny is different. She whips Minerva into shape with some cunning reverse psychology, crowning her the Unruly Queen for being "the single most difficult child to control." Minerva is presented with a beautiful purple crown. She is informed that with this title she is able to live far away on Petulant Peak where her royal subjects will be beasts and monsters who are loud and noisy. Her subjects will, of course, misbehave, just like the Unruly Queen herself. Minerva is none to happy to hear the perks of Petulant Peak and sets out to prove the 53rd nanny wrong about Petulant Peak being the perfect place for Minerva. So, she behaves. She even goes so far as to take a bath and brush her hair. Eventually, she gives up her Unruly Queen crown for her current comforts of butlers and pink satin pajamas.

Aside from the great illustrations and funny story line (written in rhyme!), AB loved that The Unruly Queen is a book about manners. She gravitates toward books of this sort because she enjoys admonishing the characters. Thankfully, she does not act that way with her friends. Yet, I do wish that it translated into a perfectly well-behaved AB. Well, a mother can dream, can't she?